In Praise of Hanging Out

Americans are too busy. Even when they're not officially busy, they are busy with computers, cell phones, iPads, iPods, Wii, DVRs, DVDs - well, you get the point. We seem to have lost as a nation the ability to just hang out with each other and that's too bad because that is where real relationships happen.

A wise man I know said that he builds in lots of "porch time" with people he knows and likes. When family or friends get together today, it is like uploading a burst of data to your flash drive: what we've been doing, where we've been, who is doing what, etc. Hurry, hurry, hurry! That's all well and good as far as it goes, but it doesn't go far enough. Typically our thoughts and feelings don't come out in one fast and smooth burst. What we are really thinking and feeling takes time to come out, as opposed to merely what we have been doing.  We first have to decide if we want to share. If we do, then we bring it out in bits and pieces and assess how the other person is receiving it. Often, we don't know how we feel about it ourselves and are processing even as we talk. As we allow the conversation to ebb and flow, though, with someone we appreciate and who appreciates us, we can be pleasantly surprised at the destination once when we get there.

All of this takes time - enough time to let the conversations happen naturally and to let them be punctuated by silences. Allow for some "porch time" in your life. Go hang out with somebody you care about and enjoy the luxury of silences and the good conversations that will eventually flow. This is what makes life rich.