Take It for a Test Spin?

Breakpoint had a good piece today. Living together - try before you buy - has become widely accepted in American culture. A poll 12 years ago showed that half of the respondents wouldn't get married unless they first tried it out. Too bad the data shows that is exactly the wrong choice if you are really interested in a solid marriage down the line.

Eric Metaxas, Breakpoint's author du jour, cites psychologist Meg Jay of the University of Virginia who describes what is known as the “cohabitation effect":

 “Couples who cohabit before marriage . . . tend to be less satisfied with their marriages—and more likely to divorce—than couples who do not.”

The researcher explains that people sort of "fall" into the relationship and do not expressly talk through why they want to live together and what that means. Because it is not really an intentional relationship, when a crisis comes along, all too often the relationship founders because it is the proverbial house built on sand rather than solid rock. 

As a father of 3 daughters, I was also particularly interested to read that while women tend to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, men tend to view it as a test drive or a way to avoid commitment.  Going back to the idea of expressly working through expectations, this is a fairly major dissonance that is ignored at one's peril - particularly on the woman's part. 

Drawing the larger lesson, this is what becomes of a society that ignores intentionality and has elevated feelings over all. We drift about the ocean of life carried on the uncertain currents of feelings and are surprised when we wash up on some foreign shore. There is a lot to be said for being intentional in making important life choices.

www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/23081